There is a trend going on in my industry that I’m going to call “tough love.” Let me start by saying that two years ago I never would’ve listen to a self-development podcast or read a self-development book, but now I can absolutely attest to the effectiveness of self reflection and self development. Recently, the material that I’ve been exposed to has been kind of “aggressive,” for lack of a better term. I totally get the benefits and reasons behind tough love. Being direct and honest is important, but I think we can do it with some compassion too. I thought today, while on my walk, listening to my daily podcast, “why is this guy yelling at me?” Look, I know the motivational speaker on the other end is not yelling at me, and I know he was just trying to get me to be honest with myself about where I stand in my life and my career. But it occurred to me that most of the podcasts I had listened to in the past few weeks sounded kind of similar.
As someone with anxiety, depressions, and issues with confrontation and authority, this is not the most effective way to coach me or teach me anything. I figure there must be other people out there who feel the same way as me. So here is what I propose. Comment on this post about topics you would like to hear about. Leadership, coaching, training, habit forming, goal setting, etc. Topics you have maybe heard on other “BOSS BABE” podcasts or blogs, but you didn’t respond to them in a positive way. I’d love to give you my prospective to help all the entrepreneurs out there who need some “tough love” but mixed in with some compassion and grace.
I live by the phrase “progress not protection” and that’s what my whole blog has focused on and it will continue to be that way.
Honest self-reflection is a critical part of making positive changes and adjustments in your life and your business. But how can we do this without being so hard on ourselves? Here is a great tool that I learned. Look at your business, your relationship, your job, your physical fitness from an outside perspective. Would you hire you? Would you want to date you? Would you follow you on social media. Outside affirmation and belief is so powerful and can be so useful in building your confidence self-worth, but it’s the affirmation from within that will change the game. But how do we answer these questions honestly, without being hurtful or too hard on ourselves?
Let’s take a look at the first example: would you hire you? Maybe you’ve never had to hire someone in a business before or conduct an interview, but I think it’s fair to say that you know what an employer is looking for in a “good” employee. Things like: punctuality, consistency, accuracy, dependability, also your attitude, demeanor, being a good conversationalist, and of course your credentials. In an effort to be as objective as possible give yourself a score or a grade in the areas that are pertinent to your job. I own my own business so for me it looks like this.
1-very bad to 10 – very good
Dependability: 6
Accuracy: 8
Punctuality: 10
Consistency: 4
Attitude: 6
Communication skills: 9
Okay, let’s start with these. I have some highs and some lows. My accuracy, punctuality, attitude, and communication skills all score pretty highly in my mind. But maybe I need to work on my dependability and consistency. Would you want to hire someone who was not dependable or consistent or had a bad attitude? Probably not. So the answer to my question is “no, I would not hire me.” Ouch. Right? But, here is the thing. Maybe you wouldn’t hire yourself today, but you’ve already identified the areas in which you can improve. AND I bet you gave yourself a couple of high scores too so way to go!!! Yes we want to score 10’s across the board and we can definitely get there, but you have identified your weak points and can focus on improvement there first.
So now, let’s dive a little deeper into the areas we may need to improve. Ask yourself and even ask your friends or loved ones: how am I dependable and how can I improve? For me, if I asked my friends and family they would tell me I am dependable in that I would drop anything to help someone in need. If a friend called me needing something, I would be there in a flash! But, my team mates would probably say, “sometimes it’s hard to get in touch with her.” Look at that, I am someone my friends would call if they were in trouble, that’s pretty good, but maybe I’m not available enough for my team. Ok so what can I do to make an adjustment. How about I set a schedule? OR How about I make “office hours.” If you haven’t set any boundaries with your team, they will assume you are always available. Maybe you are. But you don’t have to be. You can tell them, I am available from 9am-10pm and outside that time I will get back to you at my next availability. You are setting and managing expectations. Look, when you work for yourself and you work on your phone, you’re always on your phone, but you don’t always want to be working right? So set the boundaries and manage the expectations of your team and clients. Not only will this help you with some work-life balance, but it will also give you off time, so when you are “on” you can be “on” and DEPENDABLE!
Look, we have addressed an area where I need improvement. I have taken an objective look at my qualifications and skills and decided to make changes. But I’ve also given myself a pat on the back for the things I am doing well. Way to go me! This same principle can be used to any area of your life. Maybe your communication skills in your relationship are a 4, but your honesty is a 10. Awesome! You are super honest with your partner (not everyone can say that), pick up a book on communication in romantic relationships, make a point to work on it.
My point here is you SHOULD take an objective look at the various areas of your life that are important to you. But you should also give yourself some credit for the stuff that you’re good at already. We are all just humans, trying to do our best. If you are making progress you are making moves. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
To the Limit 