Alright well, I took a break, but I’m BACK!
This is a tough time for those of us suffering from common mental health issues and so I wanted to chime in.
“I’m fine.” How often do we say this, when we really don’t mean it?
How many times have your friends said “I’m fine,” and you just accepted it?
I am no longer in the service industry, but I worry about my service industry peeps. Many of us, on the outside appear to be extroverted. Energetic, talkative, social, etc. But the fact of the matter is, many of us are introverted. Behind the apron, or behind the bar we get to be someone else. Someone who is comfortable being social and interacting with strangers. We have a barrier of protection. Now with many restaurants either being closed, or servers and bartenders only being able to work limited shifts, these employees aren’t getting the social interaction they are used to. They probably spend most of their off time alone, after being exhausted by the social interaction of work. So that’s what they are used to. They aren’t used to calling up a friend to hang out or just to chat. They expect to socialize at work.
This adjustment has been very difficult for me, as I have chosen to leave the service industry. But I can only imagine what this adjustment has been like for those who were forced into it. Humans are social creatures, being social very literally helps us to stay alive. Lonesomeness and isolation wreak havoc on our minds and our bodies. And it often leads us down paths of addiction and substance abuse.
Addiction is sometimes referred to as a “disease of isolation, ” according to New Method Wellness. This theory works in two ways. A. Your addiction causes you to isolate yourself from loved ones and friends because of the dependent relationship you develop with the substance. Or B. Your isolation encouraged you to seek other sources of mood enhancement. Either way isolation can hurt you if you aren’t paying attention.
So often when we go into work we are told to “leave our problems at the door.” I think we all get the premise. The customers don’t care or want to know that you’re having a bad day, and you shouldn’t take it out on them. I get that. And I’m sure that’s the same in every industry. But faking a smile and a conversation is exhausting. There is some relief at the end of the shift when you and your buddies can talk shop over a beer or two, or just walking to the parking lot. But the chances you get to have that exhale are slim due to the regulations of the pandemic. So we are forced to keep our feelings locked up until when? Until they overflow? Until we turn to another substance for relief?
I am not a substance abuse counselor, or a therapist, but I am human and one who suffers from anxiety and depression. I can’t count the number of times I have said, “I’m fine,” when I really was not fine at all. I mentioned above the dichotomy of what you see and what goes on behind the scenes with service industry folk as a reminder. What you see on the outside is not the whole story. People who are suffering are often very talented at faking it. Even if your friends instagram or facebook makes it look like they are doing great, or the last time you saw them behind the bar they were laughing and smiling, it doesn’t meant they don’t need your help or friendship.
The moral of the story here is: ask your friends if they are ok. Even if you think they are. Even if they say, “I’m fine.” Keep checking in with them. Your small gesture means a lot to someone who feels lonely or isolated.
Also, be nice to your server or bartender. This is not ideal for them either, but they are doing the best they can. And remember they were out of work for months when leaving your tip!
To the Limit 